Things here are fine.
Things are good.
There is nothing wrong today.
And yet, it's one of those days when I am blue. I am chalking it up to the confluence of two situations:
1 - I am tired and overwhelmed. Working 60-70 hours a week between the two jobs these days, waiting to hear if my apartment rental application has been approved, preparing for the biggest event of my work year, worrying about money for and after the big move, starting to think about packing, considering a garage sale (yuck), and wondering how I will get everything done in the next 4 days that needs to be done before I can leave town for 9 days to manage the big event.
2 - This weekend marks the second anniversary of my first face-to-face meeting with Himself. I know life never turns out quite the way we want or expect, and I accept where we are now. Even more importantly, I have let go of any expectations for our future - I put on my water wings and now I am simply floating and waiting to see where the tide takes us. But still, I can't help but think about where we were two years ago and how I felt. That weekend was one of the happiest moments of my life.
I am trying to shake off the blues, to see the silver lining. Two years ago I hoped that I would be moving to Nebraska to pursue a relationship with Himself. Well, I am - it's just happening a year later than I hoped. Our relationship isn't as committed as I hoped it would be but I think it's unrealistic to think it could be anything more than it is after two years of being so far apart. I am optimistically curious to see how it changes when we are much closer geographically.
Sure, the work hours are exhausting and the second job takes a huge bite out of my free time, but there are a lot of people who don't even have one job...and I wouldn't be able to make the move to Lincoln without both jobs.
Why can't I just be happy with today? It's a gorgeous, warm/hot, sunny day - my favorite kind...but all I want to do is curl up in a dark spot and cry.
There are days we all could use that mantra, and a hug. It will be okay!
ReplyDeleteIvy, it IS ok now - that's what frustrates me. I want to simply be happy with what is instead of wishing things were different. Thanks, honey.
ReplyDeleteBecause we are women? In the middle? not on either side yet?
ReplyDeleteBlah, blah, silver lining, blah, blah. Some bad days are just that, bad days.
ReplyDeleteI hope you were able to find your way out of that funk. I have those days too - just feel "off" and not sure what caused or why I feel that way. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteIt's all of the changes, or at least that's what happens to me when I am experiencing lots of changes. Of course, it will pass.
ReplyDeleteWow, Molly, you sure hit three nails right on the head! I think it’s that last one – not being on either side – that is the real killer for me. The last couple of days, I have heard myself say “I just want some things settled” several times.
ReplyDeleteFannie - You made me laugh SO hard!! And you’re absolutely right – some days just suck. I’m feeling much brighter this week.
Thanks, Lindy, I am feeling much better this week. I hate it when I feel down and blue like that because I spend as much time beating myself up for feeling sad as I do feeling sad! Brilliant, no? :D
ReplyDeleteAlexa, it is mostly passed, thank goodness! I think you are right - all of the changes get overwhelming sometimes.
You guys are so great! I almost deleted this post because it felt very whiny but I'm glad I didn't. At the risk of channeling Bartles & Jaymes, thank you for your support.
Sometimes a good cry makes you feel better. And that's okay.
ReplyDelete(I'm glad you didn't delete this post, too.)