Saturday, May 8, 2010

Letting the cat out of the bag

“Leap and the net will appear.” Zen saying

It’s time. Time to tell everyone what I have been whispering and dreaming and praying about for the last six months. It’s time to move from thinking to doing. It’s time to tuck all of my preparations, calculations, and careful assessments safely into my pocket and take the leap.

The leap will take me to Lincoln, Nebraska. I am planning to move to Lincoln in August to pursue two dreams: 1, a real, in-person relationship with Himself; and 2, to enroll in college full-time to complete a bachelor’s degree in event planning. These two goals are pretty much equal in my mind. I want the education just as much as I want the relationship. Both will take time, energy, care, and patience. Both are well worth whatever I put into them.

Himself lives in Omaha and after two years of loving each other but struggling against the enormous obstacle of the physical distance between us, we want to see what happens when we are close enough to be an immediate part of each other’s lives. Over the last few months, we have talked a lot about our expectations, hopes, and fears about this change. I have no idea how this will play out. I know that from here – 500 miles away – I love him more than I thought I could love. Time and proximity will tell if that love can endure. I hope that our relationship will progress and deepen and grow into a devoted, loving, lifelong marriage but I have gained the patience to wait and see how it all unfolds.

After 27 years and 3 failed attempts, I am finally ready for college. I am eager to join the undergrads lugging backpacks across campus. I plan to work for a year to establish residency then enroll at the University of Nebraska as a Hospitality, Restaurant and Tourism Management major with a concentration in event management. My plan relies on getting accepted to UNL and that is a complete unknown at this point. But that’s ok – I have complete faith that the net will appear when I need it. I just have to be brave enough to leap.

I took a small leap with last week’s trip to Omaha. I met with people at UNL. I looked at apartments. I spent time with Himself on his turf. (Which was so great, by the way. It’s just so easy to be with him, sweet and fun no matter what we are doing. Oh, how I miss him!)

I took a little larger leap this morning when I told my boss about my plans. He wasn’t surprised. And I wasn’t surprised that he wasn’t surprised. Three months may seem like a lot of notice but he is working on the budget scenario for the next fiscal year and my departure could have fairly significant ramifications on the operations of my department. Given the current economic climate here in Illinois, and specifically at the University of Illinois, it is entirely possible that they may not be allowed to replace me. I wanted to let him know as early as possible so he will have time to consider how best to move forward.

I just have to take a moment here. When I was talking with my boss this morning, he said that I will be sorely missed and my work is exemplary. Exemplary. Wow, just writing it gets me all verklempt. I try to do good work, to produce the best possible product – whether that product is a letter, a publication, or an event – but ‘exemplary’ is a word used for people who excel, who go above and beyond, who exceed expectations. I just do my job. I am flattered and humbled that he thinks so highly of me. (And yet obviously full enough of myself that I wanted to share it here.)

Since I started taking action to make my dreams reality, the pieces have started to easily fall into place. I got the part-time job at the grocery store in order to save money for this move. I identified a relatively easy source of money to keep me afloat until I find a decent job after I move. Things with Himself are great. My family and friends all support my decision. I found an apartment that is a great space and the right price. The feedback I got at UNL last week was encouraging. Most importantly, I feel contentment and peace about this decision. There is a bit of nervousness but no anxiety. My gut is telling me this is the right thing. My gut is never wrong.

This is a leap into the unknown. This is an opportunity to trust myself and God. This is a chance to reach for my own constellation of happiness, satisfaction, and accomplishment.

I am so excited and so ready to take this leap!


  1. I'm so excited for you :D And I totally love that you are going to live on your own when you move - I made the mistake of moving to a new city and moving in with my then boyfriend after dating for 6 months. It was one of the worst decisions I had ever made.

    This is great!! :D

  2. I am SO excited for you, Violet! And not at all surprised that your boss will miss you--you seem exemplary in many ways and I imagine your work ethic is that rare type of wonderful. I get chills thinking about your future!

  3. That's awesome. Especially because you aren't nervous about it. That's what trusting in God yields. Good luck!

  4. You should be proud of yourself. You are making decisions for YOU. Congrats one everything!

  5. Woo hoo! YES!

    I'm so happy for you and proud of you for listening to your gut and taking steps and actions to achieve your dreams.

    You rock. <3

  6. This is wonderful!

    You should be so proud of yourself for making such major life decisions, forming and plan of action and then following through. Not many people do that.

    I wish you nothing but the best.

    You deserve it! :)

  7. LawG - after a two-year LDR, we are happy that we will be in the same area code. LOL I hope that we will want to be even closer before long, but that remains to be seen.

    Greenie - First of all, thank you very much. I am honored by your assessment (and I must be doing a great job of snowing you just like I'm snowing my employers). :D I told the big boss yesterday. I guess he hasn’t been privy to any of the Himself information that I spread like whirlybirds in a May breeze, which is shocking. Anyway, he was taken aback. He actually asked me if there was anything he could do to convince me to stay. (When I told Mary Alice that, she said, “Yeah, give me Fridays and Mondays off, and give me an unlimited gas allowance. Oh, and pay for my college education.” I love that girl.) I am overwhelmed by their apparent regard for me and downright proud of myself…but I assured him that this is not about money.

    Alexa - Thanks! I have learned much about myself and God these last few years...and that trusting Him takes care of everything.

    Lindy - You’re right, these decisions are for ME. No matter what happens with Himself or school, I feel right and good and like I am moving forward after being in park for too long.

    Ivy - I do rock. :D I’m feeling really, really good about myself these days. I give myself fist bumps on a regular basis. My life hasn’t been this uncertain in a long time but I am HAPPY.
    Thanks, pal. I hope things are good with you.

    Pissy - I am very proud of myself. Many people say they wouldn't be able to do what I am doing...I understand that but I don't. It's just a change... hee hee