An update

It's been about a month since Himself and I decided to be "just friends." For the last two weeks, he has called and IM'd a lot more often and has been acting like he did before his life exploded...the self-professed texting hater even texted me - twice!! Maybe because I have backed WAY off, maybe because his life is finally starting to settle into something that looks like a somewhat normal, albeit crazy busy, life. I can hear the panic and stress fading from his voice more each time we talk.

Most of our conversations have been sweet, funny, silly, normal - like they used to be - but in one conversation when we were talking about serious stuff, I said that he has a lot of making up to do and he said, "yes, I do." OK, so...

My birthday is Monday. I made sure that he knows and he has made it very clear that he is aware of the date. Since my life is even more interesting to you than it is to me, I'm sure you remember that he didn't send me a Christmas card or even call me on Christmas. Well, as hard as I am trying to have no expectations where Himself is concerned, I EXPECT a birthday card. I'm mildly ashamed of that, but I own it. If I don't get one, I think this may be The End. He loves me, I have no doubt of that. So far, he hasn't shown me that his love goes any deeper than enjoying the conversations we have. It's time for some kind of action.

I realize that a birthday card is really nothing but I need more than just words on a screen or over the phone. Even if we are "just friends" (and I think you know why it's in quotes), IMO it just isn't real if there isn't any effort to be more than words. So I have entered the time of waiting to see if he sends a card.

I flirt with the edge all the time, but this may drive me straight over the brink of insanity. See, my birthday is Monday. I will leave home early that morning, work for a few hours, then drive to Chicago...for the whole week. If a card doesn't arrive from Himself tomorrow, I won't know until next Saturday! Nothing like setting myself up...