I was going to let my last post stand on its own, but it turns out I can't. I can't let people worry about me and wonder what's going on when the fact is I was simply having one of THOSE days and feeling disgruntled with...well, just about the whole world.
(If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? heh.)
Let's see if I can condense this:
Harumph #1 - Here's a paraphrased passage from a novel I read last week: "From a psychological perspective, intermittent reinforcement is powerful. You get a taste of what you want, enough that you think you can get it, so you keep trying." Intermittent reinforcement? Exactly what I'm getting from Himself these days. Makes me pissed at myself but there's still something that won't let me let go.
Harumph #2 - The Tall One was going to take me out for dinner this week. He wanted to take me to a very nice, relatively expensive, restaurant to thank me for all of the things I have done for him lately. (I don't think I've ever told that saga, have I? Coming soon to a blog near you - the story of the Tall One and the Violet.) He's an unemployed addict. He knew he was going to receive some money on Monday and planned to take me to dinner and pay bills with the rest. Sunday, we determined that Monday, Tuesday, or Thursday would work. I didn't hear from him Monday. I called Tuesday morning to see what was happening but he didn't answer and didn't return my call. By Wednesday night, I was worried and justifiably concerned that he had relapsed again. He finally called yesterday afternoon - he's fine, didn't relapse but he had less money than he expected and couldn't afford to take me to dinner...and was ashamed to tell me because he didn't want to break his promise. So I worried for nothing. Eejit.
Harumph #3 - A coworker keeps turning down the thermostat that controls the area my office is in. It does NOT control the area she works in. When I asked her very nicely to not turn it down, she told me, not so very nicely, that she won't stop turning it down.
Harumph #4 - Apparently I projected an angry, irritated attitude to the big boss yesterday morning when I truly wasn't feeling any sort of negative attitude at all. He asked me about it later in the day so it's all cleared up (I apologized profusely...after picking up my jaw and my eyeballs from the floor) but it made me feel about this big.
Harumph #5 - I'm having one of those weeks when being single is very hard, every day is a bad hair day, and even my eyebrow hairs won't behave. (PMS? Well, hmmm...could be.)
The whipped cream on top of this crap sundae is that my parents will be here in T-minus 8 hours. For a 10-day visit. I love them and I'm looking forward to seeing them, but...you know. I've spent the week flipping between trying to clean to my mother's standard (her house looks like no one lives there but a maid) and trying to convince myself that I am a grown up and shouldn't be affected by their attitudes. The Ex was right about one thing - I get a little crazy when my parents are coming to stay.
All of these things stewing in my head made me wish I could give up. Just stop caring. Because if I don't care, nothing will hurt.
Shyeah, that's gonna happen!