Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Hello, Mr. Heartache

Two weeks ago, I came to the terrible decision that Himself and I need to be just friends for now. He is not making time for me in his life and an occasional phone call, IM, or email does not a relationship make. I love him and he loves me but love alone is, tragically, never enough.

I joined a dating website a few years ago and dated a couple of guys from there but hadn't found anyone special. Himself joined the site about a year ago and we talked, along with many others, in the site’s chat room (a really nice, moderated chat that doesn’t allow *that* kind of talk). I thought he was nice and fun to flirt with but he lived forever away and I didn’t pay him any particular attention. In February, he sent a birthday e-card to me. I remember reading it and thinking, “Well, that was nice.” And didn't give him another thought.

In April I posted some new pictures that caught Himself's attention and he tried again. This time, I responded. I have no idea why. After just a couple days of talking online, he asked for my phone number. He called me that evening because “I couldn’t wait any longer to hear your voice.” From that point on, we talked every day, either by phone or IM. I tried to guard my heart but it didn’t work.

We had the opportunity to meet for real in Chicago at the end of May. My heart was his the moment I saw his face. The weekend was joyous, sweet, so much fun, and he was everything I hoped he would be.

He said we would see each other at least once a month. Unfortunately, his life got in the way and we have not seen each other even once since that magical weekend. I waited as patiently (
maybe not so much) as I could but two weeks ago it became clear that although his life is slowly improving, he is still up to his eyeballs in alligators and will be for some time to come. I believe that it is his circumstances that are keeping us apart, but I have had to admit to myself that, even so, he is choosing not to make me a priority.

I know that many don’t understand this relationship – there are 500 miles between us and we haven’t been together since June 1. After reading this you may think I’m naïve but, while I say a lot, there is so much I’m not saying here. I am not naïve about this man or this situation – I may have to walk away from him eventually but everything about him and us feels right. Even now.

I am trying to let go, to truly, completely hand it over to God. Himself understands why I am choosing this path and he is still sweet, loving, funny, and understanding, but last night we snarked at each other for only the second time ever. I am looking for the balance between letting go and still maintaining hope that things may be different in the future – it's proving difficult to find.

Oh, how my heart hurts.


  1. I am so sorry about what you are going through. I have been there too many times for me to write about...or at least to write about now. For me, I worry about the pain I have suffered in the past will cause me to live a guarded life and never truly let someone in. I hope not. I respect you and your desire to hang on, and I respect your expectations of wanting more. Hang in there if that is possible. Never give up the hope of finding what you truly want in life when love is involved.

  2. Violet...I'm sorry. I hope God steers you the way you need to go. I, too, am begging God to guide me. My life is a bit stressed now.

    I hope this guy doesn't let you go...you are an awfully lovely lady.

  3. Violet...I will send you interview questions tomorrow. Ok?

  4. I am sorry...if it's to be God will make a way!
    Otherwise, be patient and present for the right guy to come along! Keep dating...it will be fun for you and keep you busy! You are too pretty to sit home alone!

  5. Still, that is SERIOUS courage--to let it go like that. I admire your fortitude--it's so much easier to wallow in a bad relationship (or in this case, a good one) going no where than to strike out and hope to discover someone better. Good luck and Godspeed!

  6. Hugs... =)

    And I swear... we really are scary alike aren't we?

  7. It sucks now, but everything will work out that way it's meant to. Stay strong. I wish you the best.

  8. Everyone has left you such supportive comments. :)

    You're doing what's best for you...and really, that's what you have to do.


  9. You don't have a email link...so here are your interview questions. Have fun!

    1. When reading other blogs, what qualities do you look for to make you come back?

    2. Notting Hill is one of my favorite romantic comedies of all time... how many times would you have let Julia Roberts come and go before you gave up for good if you were Hugh Grant?

    3) The Mayfair Witch series is often overlooked by readers of Ann Rice. Why do you it more that her vampire books?

    4) What do you like best about having your own blog?

    5) Do you write when you have nothing to write about, or do you wait for another day?

    Now it's your turn if you would like me to interview you just leave a comment and I will email you the questions! Here's the directions:
    1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
    2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the questions).
    3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
    4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
    5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

  10. Yeah, Pissy, ain't it grand? I don't know if it's courage, like Green Girl suggests, or stupidity but I do know that the support and understanding from my friends and from all of you lovely people really does encourage me. :)

    Smooches to all of you!

  11. Oh, I'm so sorry about your heart. It will feel better eventually and I'm sure you know that but of course none of that matters when your heart hurts now... so I'm sending you mental hugs until your heart feels better.

  12. Perhaps anyone who reads my blog might think I'm a bit of a nutter and have no idea what I'm talking about, but anyway...Hang in there, don't let go. I did once and look where I'm at...it feels right because it is right, maybe just not right here, right now. Go with your gut, ask and it will come...you have no reason to trust me as you don't know me, but trust me...give space but hang tough...he won't forget you, nor you him.

  13. Arwyn, I'm taking the advice of .38 Special and trying to "hold on loosely." So far, so good. It's not what I want...yet...but I have faith.