On the other hand...

I didn't sleep well and woke up with a headache that decided to stick around. On the other hand, one boss is sick today, the other one is taking a furlough day, so the office will be quiet.

Coworker #1 has already turned on her beloved new age piano "music" which is like Chinese water torture to me. On the other hand, I'd rather listen to the new age crap than Coworker #2's choice of "jazz lite."

It's overcast again, dreary and depressing. On the other hand, it's not icy or snowing.

I'm tired and grumpy and not at all motivated to work today. On the other hand, I have a job, it's Friday, and I have some fun plans this weekend.

What's on your other hand?

Tuesday's Child Is Full of Grace

45.

Forty. Five.

Me.

Today.

It’s is my birthday. I was born at 5:15 p.m. on Tuesday, February 9, 1965, in Abilene, Texas, the first child of an Air Force captain anesthetist and his homemaker wife.

How is it possible that I am 45? I don’t feel 45. I still feel 17 – hopeful, confused, simultaneously proud and embarrassed of myself, awkward and graceful by turns, and still trying to figure out what/who I want to be when I grow up.

I am, however, much wiser than that 17-year-old girl was. I have learned to trust the people who earn it and to let go of the people who abuse my trust. I have cried oceans of tears over events trivial and earth-shattering and I have learned that no matter how crushing a sorrow is, it will pass. I know what real love is and how, like the Grinch, my heart will always expand to make room for more. I recognize what is good for me and what I cannot seem to resist (chocolate chip cookies, I’m talking to you). I accept my body as it is even as I work to re-mold it into a healthier shape. I cherish the different loves in my life – my parents, my sisters, my nieces and nephew, Mary Alice, Himself (yes, still part of the landscape), West Coast Angel, my church family – and marvel at how each love feels different in the giving and receiving and how each adds precious texture and depth and joy to my life. I am constantly learning and re-learning that there are things I can change and things I must simply accept – and constantly striving to change boldly or accept gracefully.

I am grateful for all that I have.

I like who I am.

But.

I am dissatisfied with my life. It doesn’t resemble the life I want in any way. The life I want includes happy marriage, raising children, and satisfying work in a profession/job that challenges me and provides an income that does more than barely pay the bills. The life I have is single and sometimes lonely, childless, and while my work is relatively enjoyable and challenging, it does not feed my soul and doesn’t allow me financial peace of mind. Without a bachelor’s degree, I am at a sort of dead end.

I don’t have any control over love/marriage or children – that’s God’s territory – but I can redirect my career. And so

THIS IS THE YEAR THAT I CHANGE MY LIFE

I will:

1. Get a part-time job and save the money I earn. – I am working on this. I hope to start a second job this month.
2. Decide where I want to go back to college.
3. Quit my job and move to that place, hopefully by late summer.
4. Either start school in Fall 2010 or, if I need to establish residency in another state, get a full-time job and work for a year.
5. Go to school full-time, probably while working part-time, for the next 3-5 years.
6. Graduate and get a job as an event planner for a professional association or corporation.

I feel…well, I feel convicted. This plan feels good and true. I know it will be nerve-wracking and I know it will not be easy and I know it will take time, and I need to be patient with that, but it feels RIGHT. I am gathering information, making lists and plans, checking in with my trusted confidantes to make sure I am doing everything with the right motivation.

Today, the day I start a new year, I also start a new life. I don’t know where this new life will take me but, as I heard recently, I “don’t have to see the whole staircase to take the first step.” I will take each step as it appears and hope that I will move ever boldly, ever gracefully forward.

Snow Plow Stories

I saw this outside Target this morning:

My theory is that the car's owner is an employee of one of the stores nearby. The owner angered the snow plow driver because:

a - she, a David's Bridal employee, jilted him in favor of the Radio Shack manager because he works more predictible hours. Not to mention earns a bigger paycheck, which probably means he will take her to Red Lobster instead of Steak n' Shake for their first date.

b - she, a Dots employee, turned him down when he asked her out, and not in a nice way. Those Dots girls can be a little rough. When she discovered her car buried in snow, she called her brothers. The snow plow driver won't explain the new limp and broken nose to his coworkers.

c - he, the Radio Shack manager, dissed the snow plow, calling it a Tonka truck when the snow plow driver came into the store to buy a universal television remote. He's been feeling a little too big for his britches ever since he was promoted and Miss David's Bridal finally accepted his dinner invitation. He drives a primer-painted 1988 Plymouth Sundance that he plans to get repainted now that he is manager. It will be expensive so he hopes Miss David's Bridal won't mind when he takes her to Steak n' Shake for their first date.

d - she, a coed from the local university, cut him off while she was texting and driving. Ironically, she was texting her friends to tell them to take the Oprah No Phone Zone pledge. She regretted her actions as soon as she emerged from Target, where she purchased a Valentine card that will prove to be a horrible mistake. She doesn't know yet that she will never wear the Dyeables shoes she ordered from David's Bridal that exactly match her dress for the sorority house Valentine formal.

What's your theory?

Grace in Small Things #17 - The Winter Doldrums Edition

1. Sunshine! Well, almost sunshine.

2. Mike & Ike Lemonade Blends.


3. A Bed Buddy
4. Yak Trax

5. Patak's Tikka Masala sauce
6. There are only 52 days until spring.

(Please forgive my unruly images - they refuse to behave. Or please forgive me because I refuse to keep trying to force them to stay where I want them.)

Failbooking.com or Violet hasn't had anything interesting to say in weeks but she's feeling the need to post

see more funny facebook stuff!

Illinois, Illinois

Illinois State Song

By thy rivers gently flowing, Illinois, Illinois,
O'er thy prairies verdant growing, Illinois, Illinois,
Comes an echo on the breeze,
Rustling through the leafy trees,
and its mellow tones are these, Illinois, Illinois,
And its mellow tones are these, Illinois.

From a wilderness of prairies, Illinois, Illinois,
Straight thy way and never varies, Illinois, Illinois,
Till upon the inland sea,
Stands thy great commerical tree,
turning all the world to thee, Illinois, Illinois,
Turning all the world to thee, Illinois.

When you heard your country calling, Illinois, Illinois,
Where the shot and shell were falling, Illinois, Illinois,
When the Southern host withdrew,
Pitting Gray against the Blue,
There were none more brave than you, Illinois, Illinois,
There were none more brave than you, Illinois.

Not without thy wondrous story, Illinois, Illinois,
Can be writ the nation's glory, Illinois, Illinois,
On the record of thy years,
Abraham Lincoln's name appears,
Grant and Logan, and our tears, Illinois, Illinois,
Grant and Logan, and our tears, Illinois.

written by C.H. Chamberlain, composed by Archibald Johnston
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Yesterday, the local news was all about the mandatory furlough (unpaid time off) days imposed by my employer, the state’s largest public university.

Today, the news was all about the seven-year contract and multi-multi-multi-million dollar salary awarded to a professional baseball player.

The mental lava is still spewing from the volcanic explosion in my head so I am unable to verbalize my feelings about the juxtaposition of these two events…but I think you get it.
*
*
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This morning, Mary Alice and I were discussing the distressing news that the health department in a neighboring county may be forced to close because the state has not paid the health department the funds due it this fiscal year. The state did, however, offer to LOAN the health department some money at 5% interest. (Flow, mental lava, flow.)

Mary Alice suggested that the Mafia may be running our state. I said, no, the Mafia would do a much better job of it.
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The whole country is in fiscal crisis, true...but I'm told that Illinois ranks above only California in our level of dire-straightedness. Ain't we special.

"...and our tears, Illinois, Illinois."

100...or Violet really does love a list, doesn't she?

Happy New Year! This is my 100th post. I've been avoiding writing about other things that are bouncing around in my head because I wanted to do the traditional '100 things' but I've been lazy since I got home from my sister's. I better get this published so I can get on with it, like telling you how amazing my nieces are, or about the Christmas gift from Mary Alice that is the happy end of a quest.

1. My first real job was as a phlebotomist at a hospital. I loved it and I was very good.
2. June bugs freak me out.
3. I detest washing the dishes.
4. My favorite color is green.
5. I was a Brownie but not a Girl Scout.
6. I was in 4-H.
7. I don’t eat chocolate candy in the wintertime – it doesn’t melt right.
8. I love to recycle. I mean, I LOVE to recycle. It’s weird.
9. But I can’t be bothered to recycle plastic grocery bags. It irritates me to have to save them and take them back to the store. I really should get a bunch of those re-usable bags.
10. I have a very strong sense of direction and never get lost.
11. I love to dance and sing.
12. Music affects me in a visceral way.
13. I cry easily. It’s my way of releasing emotions, both positive and negative.
14. Wild violets are my favorite flowers. They are pretty and delicate but also extremely hardy and hard to vanquish. Like me.
15. I am the oldest of three girls.
16. When we were kids, I had my sisters almost convinced that I was a Celestial Being, not a human.
17. More recently, I had my nieces almost convinced that I am the real Kim Possible.
18. I always wanted an older brother.
19. I had an uncle with Downs Syndrome.
20. I am very much like my dad’s only sister.
21. I’m not sure I could force myself to bungee jump for a million dollars.
22. I could eat something disgusting, though.
23. I have 4 surgical scars.
24. Words are good. Numbers are evil.
25. As my hair gets more grey, it is becoming wavy. It’s freaking me out.
26. Red is not my natural hair color.
27. My real name is not Violet.
28. My eyes really are blue.
29. I have one tattoo.
30. My laugh is loud and frequent.
31. I am an excellent swimmer.
32. I love shoes.
33. I hate wearing them.
34. I hate it when people scuff their heels as they walk.
35. I detest being cold.
36. But I love being outside when it’s snowing.
37. I am rarely bored.
38. I love to act and perform on stage…but I haven’t been in a show since 1993.
39. I occasionally enjoy erotica and porn.
40. I adore Barbie – especially the really fancy, really expensive ones.
41. To date I have received 2 speeding tickets. The last one was in 1990.
42. My parents have been happily, contentedly married for 47 years.
43. I was not-so-happily, not-so-contentedly married for 11 years.
44. I think of myself as ‘single’ not ‘divorced.’ I don’t define myself by the death of that marriage.
45. All I have ever really wanted, deep down, is to be a wife and mother.
46. At the moment, I am single and childless.
47. I am convinced there is a reason for that strong desire. God just hasn’t showed it to me yet.
48. I know I will marry again. I am as sure of that as I am that the sun rises in the east. And I know it will last.
49. I am planning my last wedding in my head.
50. My sisters would not be surprised to hear that.
51. Lilac is my favorite scent.
52. Lemon is my favorite flavor.
53. I could eat chicken almost every day of the year.
54. Cake is my favorite food.
55. I think my facial features are prettier individually than the whole.
56. I don't wear turtlenecks.
57. I love rings and wish I had a whole wardrobe of them.
58. Summer is my favorite season.
59. I often get hooked on one particular food and choose to eat it over and over again for weeks. And then I’m done.
60. I am a quilter, a cross stitcher, and I make jewelry.
61. I have been working on a quilt for my sister for over 6 years. It was supposed to be a housewarming gift. They moved into the house 5 years ago.
62. I am allergic to cats.
63. I am a born-again Christian but I don’t like that label. Too many connotations go with it that don’t fit me.
64. I have worn glasses and/or contacts since second grade.
65. I am planning to get Lasik surgery in 18 months – as soon as I pay off my car loan.
66. Wool anything is always too scratchy, even with something underneath it.
67. Except my boiled wool slippers. I love, love, love them.
68. I can’t go to sleep without washing my face and brushing my teeth.
69. I procrastinate.
70. I let go of the need to have a perfectly clean home when my mother visits.
71. I read a chapter from the Bible almost every night.
72. I love water. I love to be in it, near it, hearing it, looking at it…even drinking it.
73. I don’t necessarily want to live to be 80 or 90. I believe that our bodies were not designed to last that long.
74. I am unsatisfied with my current life.
75. I love my car – a 2005 ardor blue (aka navy) Hyundai Sonata.
76. I miss having a dog but won’t get another one until I’m married again.
77. If I got rid of all the clothes I never wear, my wardrobe wouldn’t even fill one dresser.
78. I adore the Hamster Dance.
79. I am easily amused. Obviously.
80. The second toe on my right foot is shorter than the others. It’s not freakishly short but people often notice.
81. I always, always wear polish on my toenails.
82. I rarely wear polish on my fingernails.
83. I love the way lipstick looks but can’t stand the way it feels, so I don’t wear it.
84. I only wear silver or white gold jewelry.
85. A woman at a gas station in Kentucky said I had the whitest teeth she had ever seen. I’ve always wondered if she really said “widest” because I don’t think my teeth are all that white.
86. I may be related to Donny & Marie.
87. I want to quit working to go back to college to complete a bachelor’s degree and then work as an event planner for a corporation or association.
88. I love roller coasters.
89. Amethyst is my birthstone.
90. I have never been able to decide if I am a Spring or a Summer.
91. I love to read.
92. My sisters call me the Queen of the Small Fact.
93. I learn a lot of those 'small facts' from the lightweight fiction I read.
94. Pepsi is my very favorite beverage.
95. Whiskey is my preferred liquor.
96. I don’t like beer and I can’t drink wine – I have a sort of allergic reaction to it.
97. I am very curious.
98. I like to be spontaneous.
99. But I also like to know what “the plan” is. This amuses Mary Alice.
100. I whine and complain a lot about the things I don't have but I do realize how fortunate and loved I am. I just need to be reminded now and then.